I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
