My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
