It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My breasts were aching with rage.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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