i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
