Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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