I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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