U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
