hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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