Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
