I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Panties = found
Randomize
