whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
