You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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