Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
