You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
