Old men and throwing up are my life now.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
