I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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