Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
