So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
