So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
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He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
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Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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