is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
