Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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