Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
