No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
