dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
