i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
