last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
