Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
