no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
it was like eating out sand paper
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
