Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
