I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
