i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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