I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You're a waste of cheezeits
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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