You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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