I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
