I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Randomize
