I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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