I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
The adults are the big ones right?
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
