Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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