I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize