I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
