I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Randomize
