how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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