Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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