Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
