ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
