How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
