i think my tv is drunk
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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