you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
