You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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