You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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