Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
