I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Ladies don't puke and tell
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
