why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
as a side note pls kill me
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
