i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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