you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
