ugly people sure do ruin things
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
