he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
