We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
